Sometimes it feels like i'm drowning in a pool of my own choices. Wondering why I continue to make bad decions yet I can't seem to stop making them. It's a vicious cycle...my decisions keep crashing down on top of me forcing me to go under again and again like a wave in the stormy sea. Knowing that my decisions lead to more and more consequences, it seems as though I still just can't seem to get them right.

Some days as i sit around my house thinking about the life I have and how easily i get frustrated and stressed out I remind myself of all the great things about my life as well. I have an amazing daughter who is easily the most beautiful child that has ever lived, and I have an adoring husband that despite our arguments and setbacks is more amazing than any other man I have ever met. He will do absolutely everything in his power to give his family the things it needs and will gladly do anything to make us happy. There are so many times that I feel so overwhelmed and just so worn out, but I know that no matter what I always have my family and all the amazing things about them.

Sometimes overnight everything can change. It feels as though somehow I woke up as a completely different person, living a life I'm not used to, and seeing a strange girl staring back at me in the mirror. It feels like yesterday that i had a fast paced life filled with so much childish fun and was surrounded with more friends than I knew what to do with. I would constantly be receiving calls and texts from people wanting me to hang out with them. There was always something to do and always someone to hang out with. As my life drastically changed by settling down my so called friends began to disappear. As i got married to my amazing husband and shortly after had our incredible daughter i began to hear less and less from these people that I had spent so much of my previous time with. At first just the thought of me no longer being an important part of other people lives somewhat devastated me. I began feeling lonely and basically forgotten. I went through a hard time at first. After a while however, I started to realize these things and these people that I felt I was missing, no longer fit into my drastically different life. What I had done and who I was before my family had no place in who I am now. My day to day life focuses on raising a family and being the best me I can be for me, my daughter, and my husband. I am no longer the party girl that can stay up until seven in the morning. I have a life now,  and my role in other people's lives is important. It's just so funny to me how something that seemed so absolutely important to me before has absolutely no meaning to me now. I feel like a completely different person. I act differently, I speak differently, and in a weird way, I feel as though I look differently. I have grown up. Everything happened so quickly but as I look back on the life I had and compare it to the one I have now I am realizing that sometimes change isn't so bad. I love the life I have now. Sometimes it may be challenging but not one part of me wants to go back and leave this all behind.

As I sit in my living room staring out into the beautiful sunny day I hear the birds chirping and the wind blowing through the bare branches that have survived through yet another harsh Ohio winter. Our fast paced busy days are filled with so many things that we seem to miss out on the natural beauty all around us. Some days I find it hard to understand the world we live in. For many months I feel as though I have been trapped inside in an attempt to protect myself from the freezing temperatures and the deep snow. Today is one of the first real spring days and i have been so caught up in my lazy couch filled days that my first instinct is to flip on the TV and see what mindless shows I can fill my time with. For the first time in I don't even know how long, I decided to sit in complete silence. I opened the blinds cracked some windows and soaked in the morning. So many times I have listened to my mother tell me to turn the TV off and enjoy the day. Of course as most children do, i completely ignored her motherly wisdom. I continued to go about my day as I pleased, wasting away every moment i could have accomplished something positive and instead doing absolutely nothing but sit in front of the TV or computer until before i knew it my day was over. Finally after doing things my way for so long i decided that I was going to take that advice, and I am so glad that I did. Starting my day with the quiet serenity of the outdoors gave me the peace to go forward with my day in a positive way. So many days i feel consumed and worn down by the repetitiveness of my daily routine. So often i feel defeated. I want to throw in the towel and dramatically exit never to return. However, life doesn't work that way. Waking up and starting my morning right gave me the time to think and prepare for my day so that i didn't get to that point. I was ready to tackle whatever might come my way. For the first time i really understand what my mom was trying to get me to see. Nobody lives an easy stress free life but preparing for each individual day in a positive way helps us feel at peace. I know that this wont take away the worries of my day to day life however it will allow me to approach things in a healthy way. A simple thing as listening to the world beyond our televisions and computers may not be a life changing experience however, it is eye opening. we need to not be consumed with mindless things. There is so much more to life than soap operas and reality TV. It's time we reintroduce ourselves to the wonderful outdoors. Take a walk, go to the park, or even just sit outside and let the breeze refresh even the most tiring days. Bask in the sunshine and remember what life was like in a more simple time when we weren't allowed to sit inside and waste the day away.